Sheeple Magazine October Archive

No Wonder Phone Usage When Driving Is Almost Outlawed

By Jamin Greensbury at 10/17/07 15:40

I'm sure that in the area you live in there are government officials trying to outlaw phone usage when driving. Well sometimes it could be good, and other times it could be bad. One man in Oregon was texting and driving at the same time. Bad combination, beacuse when he looked up, a freight train was right in front of him. He slammed into the train, but everything was okay except for the car. The man turned out to be fine. But let me ask you a question. How do you not notice a train even if you aren't looking? They're big and loud, plus they block the entire road.

That's why I think along with the driver's license test, states should now offer phone usage while driving tests. That way people still have enough skill behind the wheel to drive and text at the same time. No need to outlaw phone usage.

And I Know You Know That I Know You

Do you know what my favorite sports movie is? Well, you probably don't. My favorite is none other than Dodgeball. And since its near to Halloween, my friends and I decided to go as the Purple Cobras. Not only are they the top ranked team in that movie, but they also have my favorite character, White Goodman. Plus since I'm the definate shortest of the group, I was voted to be the one and only White Goodman mad famous by Ben Stiller. So now I have to brush up on all my character quotes to make the best White I can be. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!

The Punishment Doesn't Fit The Crime?

What happens in your home, should stay in your home. You shouldn't get in trouble for doing things in your own home. Unless you have dead bodies in your basement, that's a little different. Anyways, one woman was cited for disorderly conduct when she was in her own home. The toilet in her bathroom was overflowing, so she was screaming profanities while she tried to fix it. So when an off-duty police officer heard the ruckus, he called the ON-duty police. Now this women could face a fine and up to 3 months in jail.

To tell you the truth, I don't understand this case. If I dropped an F-bomb in my house, should I get in trouble with the law? Absolutely not. Its my house and I should be able to do whatever I want inside of it. At least the woman's lawyer has a good head on her shoulders. She said, "You can't prosecute somebody for swearing at a cop or a toilet." I totally agree with her.

And You Thought One Was Enough

Having trouble with your wife? Get a new one. If you have ever heard of polygamy, then you should see what this man has done. Shahadeh Abu Arrar, a man from Israel, has had 8 wives during his lifetime. He wasn't married to them one at a time either. Abu Arrar is still married to all eight of them. Did i also mention that he has had 67 children over the time he has been with them? So if you are having trouble with your current wife, simply marry another and ignore the old one.

How To Get Through A Haunted House Without Being Scared

Just this past weekend, my family and I went to a "Haunted Walk" at their friend's house. Thinking it would be funny, I decided to tag along. All I thought it would be is just a few voodoo dolls hanging from trees and maybe some sheets cut to look like ghosts. But it was actually so much more than I had expected. It had music, lights, pyro-technics, explosions, you name it. So when it was finally our group's turn to go, I felt scared and excited at the same time.

We proceeded into the "Walk" and it was very impressive. One of the things we passed was a ghostly pirate ship. The man on board shouted pirate sayings at us, and then lit his cannon. The cannon made a large bang, and smoke poured out of it. But what made me jump was as soon as he shot it, an explosion went off right beside me. That in itself really impressed me.

But this is probably what you've been waiting for; the key to not getting scared. Its simple really. Just laugh and have a good time. You know how many people are stationed around those things and come out to scare you right? Well, I had maybe ten guys in masks walk right past me to scare my sister and cousin. Those two were scared out of their minds, so they were easy pickings. If they tried to scare me, it wouldn't of been as fun for them. I was pretty much talking to them and asking what's up. Plus drunk guys in masks really aren't all that scary.

If you skipped through that whole thing, here is the answer for you: Stay calm, have fun, and laugh like crazy.

Death By Camera At The Football Game

Did someone actually die from a camera? No, but a camera almost fell on some NFL players. During the New Orleans Saints and Seattle Seahawks game, one of the overhead cameras drooped so low that it fell on the field. In case you didn't know, there are now cameras suspended from wires at NFL games. These cameras travel across the wires taking videos of the players. Now you can see the players right in the center of the huddle from a bird's eye view. Anyway, the camera dropped right behind the Seahawk players, almost hitting two of them. I always knew that no good would come of those cameras.

After the camera fell, there was a 10-minute delay to repair the wires and camera. Once everything was restored, the game resumed. But many people were cautious of another falling down. When there was a camera hovering over the Seahawk's bench, there were absolutely no people underneath. Then the referee threw his yellow penalty flag indicating that there was a delay-of-game penalty on the network's camera.

You See Son, This Part Goes Here

Some moms show their kids how to build with Legos. Others tend to teach their kids the alphabet. But there are always others who think outside the box. One mom in Montana taught her son how to build a pipe bomb, or at least she helped along the way. Her son was also on probation for some reason, so there's another reason she helped her son with his new hobby.

Maybe the son was intended to blow up his probation officer and try to escape cleanly. Or maybe he was going to rob a bank. For whatever reason it was, mom should have stopped it. Why couldn't she show him how to knit a quilt instead?

The Thing Everyone Hates: Gas Prices

Upon hearing this, it really made me think of just how bad gas prices are today. In Utah, the police assigned to the third biggest county are now limited to how much they can drive in a day. But that doesn't mean that they can't still do their job though. That just means that they can't go on anymore doughnut runs anymore. Officers on duty can now only drive between 75 and 100 miles each shift they take. Let's face reality, gas prices are outrageous. I don't have money in my wallet anymore thanks to me spending my last $20 on gas.

So if the police have to conserve their mileage, shouldn't more be done to lower the high prices?

Make Money Quick

Do you want to get rich fast? No, this isn't one of those cheap scandals going on, but something you may just want to try. Instead of creating counterfeit bills, you should just use the easy way out. Write $1 Million dollars on a dollar bill and see if a store will take it. Using this method, you could buy new things while still making a profit.

At least some guy tried a similar method. He used one of the fake bills that churches hand out as a template to make a $1 Million bill. Thinking it was legit, he tried to ask for change at a local store. When the cashier looked at it, he refused to cash it. So the guy starts getting angry and slams some stuff around. He was then aprehended by police and taken away. Too bad for you. Should have used my idea instead.

They Just Keep Getting Younger Every Year

Do you remember back in the day when you rode the bus to school? Or maybe in some cases, walked 5 miles through a blizzard? I remember my bus drivers were mostly older men. When I first started high school I had one that was on the brink of death. Anyways, down in the southern half of the United States, bus drivers just keep getting younger. So young in fact that they're starting at 10 years old.

Well the stroy goes that just last Friday, a young boy broke into the bus lot and stole one of the large yellow tanks. After almost an hour of chasing, police finally caught the stolen bus and its driver. Little did they know it was a little 5th grader drving the machine. Upon aprehesion, the boy said, "I was just practicing for my future career."