Sheeple Magazine November Archive

Is This Building A Death Trap?

By Jamin Greensbury at 11/13/07 16:29

That title is something I've have been wondering since yesterday. I found out yesterday that our office cat, Boots, died by car. Hearing that made me sad, for now I know that I'll be alone in this building in the later hours. But why is this building a death trap? Well roughly one year ago, give or take a few months, our dog, Beezer, died the same way. Maybe office pets just aren't that great for this place.

This just makes me think. If I set up a cot in this office and lived here for awhile, would I recieve the same fate? If I'm crossing the road, will a big 18-Wheeler come out of nowhere and flatten me to the ground? I may have to experiment. By that I mean get a pet squirrel or something else I really don't care about, and let it live here for some time. I want to see if the animal will become just like the others. A lot of people say that "3 times a charm" but hopefully it won't be in this case.

The Purpose Of The One-Way Street

I finally figured it out. The officials in charge of streets and roads are out to get us. Why? Because of the invention of one-way streets. I am convinced their purpose is to confuse us. Try going to a new part of town and find out every street is one-way. And then none of the streets are heading in the direction you need to go. There is in fact an evil dictator at the top of the transportation network, I know it!

My ranting all spurred from a really stupid driver today. I was heading to work up a one-street when the car in front of me stopped abruptly. I was about to beep my horn when I saw that in front of this car, there was another heading our direction. The guy going the wrong way wasn't going to stop, so I had to reverse just to let him out. Plus what makes this worse is that this street was on a hill. Wow, some people are stupid drivers!

Foods That Really Don't Mix

Ever had foods that really don't mix together? A prime example would be peanut butter and pickles. But here's something completely different. How about a dessert that has real gold shavings in it? Apparently it would cost about $25,000 to even eat it. Who in their right minds would pay for something like that? $25,000 for about 5 minutes of deliciousness? Well since that amount could be what some people make in a year, that dessert borders on pure insanity. Did I mention you get to keep the gold spoon that comes with it? The spoon is almost like the toy in the Happy Meal.

Now here is a warning of foods that don't go together. Well, actually more like a story. As I was coming home from the golf course one day, I stopped at the gas station. After pumping some gas, I went inside and bought a fruit punch Gatorade and some Skittles. Upon eating some Skittles and then drinking the Gatorade, I discovered that the two do NOT mix at all. And that was another one of my discoveries.

Gift Music To Your Ears

All my friends say that I'm the best person they've ever seen play air guitar. Whether that's with sarcasm or not, that still makes me feel pretty good. They could say that because of what I did at our homecoming dance. I hopped up on stage and played air guitar to AC/DC's guitar solo in "You Shook Me All Night Long". I didn't really know what was happening because adrenaline had a grip on my brain. Anyway, I asked my parents to get me Guitar Hero III for Christmas.

When I first this game was coming out, I had to see what songs were going to be on it. Everything looked good, but one thing caught my eye. The song "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" was on the list. When I saw that, I pondered, isn't that a song about fiddle playing? Well, I visited Youtube to listen to their versio of the song. It blew my mind. They replaced the fiddle part with guitar then added some. No wonder that's basically the final song you have to play. So hopefully, I'll get it for Christmas and hone my air guitar skills.

The Expansive Random Realm Of The Mind

I just read a very interesting tidbit in the paper today. Apparently, a 600 pound cow fell off a cliff and landed on a car. The strange thing was, the cow fell 200 feet and still lived. HOW? These kind of things are what occur in my mind everyday. Not important stuff that I need to know, but the most random stuff possible. Randomness like the release date of the new game I pre-ordered. Not things like Calculus, which I mentioned yesterday

I also found another bit about random animals. Picture Bambi all grown up and attacking hunters. True story. I read that a buck in rut attacked a father, his young son, and his nephew. The buck charged and the father retalitiated. All he had was a hunting knife. After a moments of struggle, Grampa finally came along and killed it with his rifle. Hopefully that won't happen to me in this hunting season. Actually it be kind of cool, but bad at the same time.

My last random thought for this article. I help out the UPS driver everyday at wrok carry all the boxes onto his truck. Today I noticed that the driver had an apprentice. The first thing that came to me was the Star Wars character, Yoda. Plus jedis and padawans(yeah, I know too much) but they're not as cool. Did you know that this could be the most random article I've ever written?

Disappointments Abroad

Don't you hate when things don't live up to their reputations? I know that I do. All day long today, people were ranting about a certain video on Youtube. It was our school's last football game for the season that was on the video. But what the video caught was the opposing team getting into fights with our players because we scored. I thought this was going to be an awesome video, but it wasn't. I really couldn't see what was going on. It seems the video almost started in the middle of the brawl. So that was one thing I was disappointed with today.

Besides the video, one other thing disappointed me. We had an open notebook test in Calculus today. That doesn't sound too hard does it? Well, when you didn't write down the equation for a cylinder's volume but managed to get every other equation, that's tough. Especially when there are only two questions on the entire test. One was about a sphere while the other was about guess what? A cylinder. So I sat there until the end of the period with a semi blank question. Its good for me though, since I can finish the quiz tomorrow.

There will probably be other disappointments in store for me today. Do you know how a newspaper's horoscopes have stars to represent how great your day will be? Well mine had a negative star count today. I feel for all those who share my horoscope today.

I Need Some Ideas

Ok here's my problem. I need to find a pretty cool name for what I'm going to drees up as for our school's home basketball games this year. Basically what I'm going as is sort of a ninja. You can't really do much with our school's mascot. So my problem is that I need a name for a blue ninja. This may sound stupid, but I was thinking along the lines of "The Cerulean Shadow". It sounded cool to me. But every game I'll go as something different. The Cerulean Shadow will be a recuring character if the student section likes it. Maybe I'll even do my Borat impersonation. Those two will be the main characters I go as. Some games I may even just go as Jamin Greensbury. That's always fun, not even have to be in character.

Yes so if you are wondering, I am pretty much one of the guys leading the cheering. One game, I even had the whole student section boycott the cheerleaders because they weren't doing a very good job. Some of the cheerleaders were not very happy with me and you can probably see why.

From One Holiday To Another

Now that Halloween is over, what are people going to look forward to now? Well if you go into any local store, its almost Christmas time. Forget Thanksgiving, people want the tree in their house again. October 31st is gone for this year, and now there is a one month slump until Christmas. Maybe we should decorate the site in a Christmans theme and ultimately pass over the turkeys. Think about it. What other holiday is bigger than December 25th?

Its too bad you can't golf in the snow. That's what I like to do over holiday break. If its nice, some of my family and I go golfing. That reminds me of the last Easter we had. We were all at my aunt's house, when some of us decided we wanted to go golfing. My mom hated the idea and told us that the holiday should be spent together as a family. That's when my cousin said one of the best lines I had ever heard. He says to my mom, "Easter isn't about family. Easter is about Jesus. And Jesus wants to go golfing with us." As you can probably already tell, my mom didn't like that comment at all.

So what's everyone going to get me for Christmas?