Sheeple Magazine February Archive

1. YOUR ARMS: The most important part of dodgeball is the usage of your arms. You can't catch and throw the balls without them. Watch your throwing motion, because you can easily throw out your arm. Try to use your whole body when throwing. Step into your throw like a baseball pitcher or a football quarterback to keep stress on your arm to a minimum. Also be careful with your fingers. They can be stoved easily and on rare occasions could be broken. Protect your arms and you'll easily dominate the game.

2. YOUR ANKLES: How can a ball hurt your ankles? Well, it really can't, but you can hurt them. Its a guarantee that you'll be jumping and dodging in this game. Careful with how you move, or you could end up spraining your ankle. This area is more important than your arms, because without your ankles, you're a sitting duck. There's not much you can do to protect your ankles, but make sure to watch your surroundings.

3. YOUR HEAD: How can you play if you can't see? Your head needs to be on a swivel in this game, for balls can come at you from all sides. Plus getting hit in the face is no fun whatsoever. Your eyes can easily get hit as well, which is an extremely uncomfortable situation.

Last but not least,

4. YOUR GROIN: This area applies to the male players better. It just so happens that we have a vital spot there that shouldn't injured. Once you're hit there, you may be out of commission for awhile. That's why you should be in a ready state the entire time and not be standing up straight.

By watching these four areas, you have a better chance of stay injury free throughout the entire time you play this magnificent sport.

I recently watched the new episode of Saturday Night Live over the weekend after the writer's strike. The opening skit made me really laugh. Clinton and Obama were being interview in a debate on CNN. What was funny was how everyone in that skit was obsessed with Obama. The interviewers asked Obama if he was comfortable and all those kind of questions, while Hillary was asked questions why she couldn't be more like Obama. They even threatened her when she interrupted the "Obama Girl" who sang her heart out for her candidate. So after this portrayal is the press on Obama's side? We'll find out come November.

The wrestling room is an underground room that really isn't suitable for dodgeball. First of all, it the ceilings are probably only 7 ft high. Secondly, on one half of the room there are four large pillars in your way. Even though the add a depth of strategery (a President Bush word) they can also be your downfall. But that's enough about the arena.

When we play, we try to get just high school students to play. Mostly these students will be upperclassman, namely juniors and seniors. Today the stupid middle school kids played with us. Wow, do they make me angry. They don't realize when they're out and they're the most unuseful members of the team. Take the last game we played for example. I got back in after someone had caught the ball. I was on fire as I got two people in a row out. Then some little kid came up and cheap shoted me right in the face. By cheap shot, I mean he was only 2 ft away from me. Plus he threw it as hard as he could and caused me a bloody nose. If that wasn't our last game, I would have nailed that kid.

All in all, dodgeball is the true man's sport and I'll fight anyone who says different.

President Bush announced that the satellite will be shot down. Oh, that's great, reach the surface of Earth faster? Not so, for the missile used will 'hopefully' destroy the satellite on impact. But if it doesn't, we're all screwed. Maybe not all of us, but at least some of us. Too bad the USA once criticized this idea not so long ago. Now we look like bigger fools than we already are. Let's just hope this works, because I don't want any disasters to be happening.

Oh yes, you can imagine how angry I am. A month of anticipation boiled into nothing. The first problem was the had none of the songs I had requested. I had worked hard on rountines that would go with those songs, but they weren't played! So all my work was for nothing and I had nothing left to do. I had to wing it because the songs they played, I had never heard before. Plus instead of picking crappy dancers, they picked one of the best from the senior class to go against me. How would I win against that?

I'm sorry for taking your time with this lame monologue. I'm just venting because all my work went for nothing. Only Team Jamin feels disgusted.

So what I was thinking is doing what I do best. Air guitar. I'll don an 80's rock band suit and jam out to a possible Van Halen song. The suit will probably somewhat resemble Izzy Sparks from Guitar Hero 3, or at least be that kind of style. I'n really not worried about the evening wear part, its the casual wear that wins the competition. Maybe this year I'll be crowned Mr. KAHS and reign supreme over the school. Or maybe I'll just be another one of those guys who wears their Mr. KAHS shirt around for fun.

Sure clowns are scary and a little innocent, but what did they think of this guy way back when? Light the torches and grab the pitchforks! Maybe being a clown isn't all that great. First of all, they're meant for children, but are one of the scariest things imaginable. What kid would want to go see a full grown man that wears a colorful and mismatching suit, crazy hair, and make-up? I know I didn't when I was a kid. I saw the movie "It" and I know what clowns really are.

There were many funny commercials, but there is no way I could name them all. The Budweiser commercial about the horse training to pull the Budweiser wagon was a classic. Others just made me confused, but I still laughed. Now I just have to wait to see what they unveil next year.

Yes that's right, the Giants upset the Patriots in Super Bowl XLII. The game kept me on edge the entire way through until the Giant's touchdown pass with less than a minute left. I fell out of my seat when I saw the feat. The whole game was just phenomenal.

The halftime show was awesome as well. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (one of the best bands ever) played a great show. I sang along to every song he played.

Sorry Patriots, but cheaters never win.