Sheeple Magazine; August, 2007 Archive, Page 8; Sheeple Magazine
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Sheeple Magazine August Archive Journal of Satire, Fun "Facts" and Harsh Commentary about Technology for the Best Days of our Lives.
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Sheeple Magazine; August, 2007 Archive, Page 8; Sheeple Magazine

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Pencil For Your Thoughts?

By Jamin Greensbury at 08/07/07 12:36

A 59 year old German woman just had a pencil removed from her head. No, this wasn't a quick emergency room visit either. This woman suffered this injury when she was just 4 years old! Please read this sentence while you are gasping at the thought of that. Yes, if you subracted right, that means the pencil was stuck in her head for 55 years!

Back in the day when this incident happened, the technology to remove the pencil was non-existant. So this poor woman has had to live her life with chronic headaches and nosebleeds ever since the accident. I can't even imagine what this woman has gone through. But now everything has been put right, so hopefully she can start a normal life at 59 years of age.

The FDA, EPA and other U.S. Government agencies are using this example as proof that lead is not a danger to your health. It is expected that lead based paint, gasoline and other products will reappear on the market shortly.

Tags: pencil • technology • head injuries • lead toxicity •
0 Comments. - Permalink


Chewing On A Vick Toy = Dog's Revenge

By Jamin Greensbury at 08/07/07 11:38
, office sheeple: Chewing On Your Worst Enemy

Nearly eveerybody has heard about Michael Vick's alleged dog fighting charges. I recently spotted an article describing a new dog chew toy. A company down in Florida is manufacturing these chew toys like crazy. What's so special about a chew toy you ask? Well these toys are miniature replicas of the Falcons' quarterback. So now your dog can take out some anger on something besides your couch!

Even though Vick hasn't been found guilty yet, but your does your dog know that? I doubt it.

Tags: chew toys • football • dogs •
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McDonald's Herds their Sheeple to their Junk Food!

By Wilbur Corncon at 08/07/07 09:37
Medical News Today reports on a study about preschool kids and McDonald's "food".

The study shows that the preschool kids prefer the taste of McDonald's food when it is packaged with the McDonald's brand. The same food packaged in a generic type package did not taste as good to the kids.

I've seen the McDonald's allure in action. One day while eating at a nice local restaurant there was a little kid making a big fuss behind me. I asked my wife who would see the crisis in action what the problem was.

She said the kid wanted to eat at McDonald's. Finally the ruckus settled down. When we left I saw the kid was eating "food" from McDonald's. Ick.

I'd like to see a medical insurance plan that excluded customers of fast "food" restaurants.

Tags: junk food • mcdonalds •
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Why You Should Drive to Work if You Want to be a Fat Cow

By Wilbur Corncon at 08/06/07 08:50
The Times Online tells us that walking to work is a bad idea. A very bad idea as it increases global warming more than driving to work!

The article compares driving 3 miles to work versus walking 3 miles to work. They conclude that "If you walked instead, it would use about 180 calories. You'd need about 100g of beef to replace those calories, resulting in 3.6kg of emissions, or four times as much as driving."

Read more: Why You Should Drive to Work if You Want to be a Fat Cow [click]

Tags: global warming • food production • weight loss • flatulence •
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Hormone or Synthetic Hormone Free Milk?

By Wilbur Corncon at 08/05/07 06:49
Forbes reprints a Associated Press story with a head line of "Kroger Switches to Hormone-Free Milk". However the first sentence reads: "One of the nation's largest retail grocery chains has announced plans to switch to milk free of synthetic hormones."

Now, I don't think anyone could argue against this move (well, the Monsanto company that makes the synthetic hormones does) as it is crazy to eat all this synthetic junk even if the FDA says it is A-OK. It would be nice to know if the new Kroger milk has any abudance of natural hormones?

Read more: Hormone or Synthetic Hormone Free Milk? [click]

Tags: hormone free milk • tainted food •
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Beans, Beans, Beans.. the Problem is No Longer Gas... but Botulism

By Wilbur Corncon at 08/05/07 06:42
I get a kick out of reading the news, it seems that nearly everyday something like this appears:

"Consumers should not eat certain brands of French-cut green beans because of concerns they could be tainted with the toxin that causes botulism, U.S. health officials warned on Friday." (quoted from Reuters)

Read more: Beans, Beans, Beans.. the Problem is No Longer Gas... but Botulism [click]

Tags: botulism • tainted food •
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Your HP Printer or Flatulence of Your Coworkers the Real Air Quality Problem?

By Jamin Greensbury at 08/04/07 13:40
With the announcement from Australia that laser printers emit particles that cause air pollution and HP's denial of negative health effects from their laser printers, we must examine the air quality in an office more closely.

Read more: Your HP Printer or Flatulence of Your Coworkers the Real Air Quality Problem? [click]

Tags: air quality • laser printers • flatulence •
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Its Colder Than Back Home

By Jamin Greensbury at 08/03/07 14:17
, office sheeple: Its Colder Here Than Back Home

Santa Claus will be moving to a new location shortly. Ever since the Russians claimed the North Pole, Santa has been out of house and home. Russia received much scorn from the United States and Canada after claiming the winter wonderland. But I think Russia really doesn't care one bit.

Read more: Its Colder Than Back Home [click]

Tags: big fat losers • russia • united states •
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iphone is outdated time to get your gphone

By Wilbur Corncon at 08/03/07 09:55
I told my wife a couple days ago it was stupid it buy an iphone simply because of the term of the contract. She said it wasn't a bad deal since the carrier was good. I was saying being stuck with the phone for a year is bad.

Read more: iphone is outdated time to get your gphone [click]

Tags: iphone • gphone •
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New Customs Inspection Process to Protect US Borders

By Wilbur Corncon at 08/02/07 07:55
Here is a sample interview of a traveler arriving in the USA.

US Customs: Do you have any dangerous items? explosives, nuclear bombs, biological weapons, anti-bush writings, drugs, a baby monkey from Cameroon, or cheese?

Read more: New Customs Inspection Process to Protect US Borders [click]

Tags: satire • customs •
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