Sheeple Magazine September Archive

Hey Bud, How Did You Die?

By Jamin Greensbury at 09/19/07 16:29

A man's soul slowly drifts into the afterlife. As the man finds himself in a large cloudy area with the sun shining brightly he is met by another man. This other man is already a resident of the cheerful realm and was curious about how people came about coming here. No, he didn't want to know what that person did in life, but howo they died. So the resident asks the man, "how did you die?" The man replies, "I was headbutted by a man with no arms." Upon hearing this, the resident laughs histarically and flies away on white angelic wings.

Too bad this could be a true story. Two men actually got in a bit of a scuffle over a woman. The woman had apparently dated the armless man but later on after they had separated, she began dating this other guy. So when the two men finally meet, there is a royal rumble. The armless man headbutted the other man, but nothing seemed to come of it. A minute later and the other man felt dizzy and collapsed. So did this armless man have a forehead of steel. No, because a paramedic said the other man died of natural causes, which he believed to be a heart attack. What have we learned from this? Don't get in a fight with an armless person.